For the character, see Doug Judy
"Pontiac Bandit" is the 12th episode of Season One in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine television series. It originally aired on January 7, 2014 to 3.44 million viewers. Viewers rate it 8 out of 10 on IMDb.
Episode Synopsis
Jake Peralta and Rosa Diaz try to catch an infamous car thief with the help of a perp and supposed witness, Doug Judy. Raymond Holt tries to find a home for two puppies that his dog Cheddar produced with a neighbor dog. The rest of the precinct struggles to accommodate an injured Charles Boyle when he returns from being wounded in action.
The episode begins with Boyle returning to the precinct after having been shot, and the whole squad gathers with balloons and a poster to welcome him. Charles shows them his new scooter, which helps him get around, but he has some trouble navigating it. Despite their attempts to help, he insists on making his morning cup of coffee. He breaks three cups while using his reacher-grabbers, before Terry offers him his coffee. While trying to drink it, though, he spills it all over himself and it gets in his cast. Gina saves the day by pouring milk on him to cool him down.
Rosa and Jake meet in the interrogation room, where she shows him the man that she picked up on a dozen counts of identity theft, Doug Judy, and asks Jake if he recognizes the perp. Jake says that he doesn't, and Judy starts singing a song to Rosa. This leads her to comment that she thinks he's into her, and Jake asks what she does to these perps. Rosa replies that fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Then Rosa reveals that Judy asked to speak to "John or Jack Peralta or whatever", and Jake asks if he should change his name to Jack Peralta. Then he learns that Judy wants a deal because he has information about a man who steals Pontiacs. Jake is very excited as he's wanted a lead on this case for ages. They agree to make a deal after Jake asks Rosa to trust him otherwise he has to do 1000 pushups.
Jake and Rosa travel with Doug Judy to his mother's house, to pick up his old phone, so he can text the Pontiac bandit. Doug introduces Jake as his assistant, "Mangy Carl", and Rosa as his girlfriend. Whilst looking around, Jake and Doug bond and find the phone. Rosa comes in, annoyed that Doug's mother put a braid in her. She cuts it out of her to which Doug comments, "Please have my children".
The three go to try and make a meeting with the Pontiac Bandit after Carl dresses Jake up to look like a criminal. However, the Pontiac bandit's associate is spooked and Doug says that he needs to go in alone. Jake says that they should arrange a meeting but Rosa says that she has a bad feeling and says they shouldn't, asking Jake to trust her with 1000 pushups. Jake disagrees and raises her 2000 pushups which annoys her but she agrees.
They arrange a meeting with the Pontiac Bandit and send Doug Judy. They become suspicious when Judy begins stalling over the microphone by listing cars, and they burst in, only to find that he has disappeared. There is a man that matches the description, but he claims that he's just the barber. Rosa and Jake then get a call from Doug Judy, who reveals that he is the Pontiac Bandit. When Jake started to get close, he told his associates to describe the bandit as Norman Lee, his barber. He then arranged a house meeting, before pretending to go to the bathroom and escaping. Rosa hits Jake and leaves.
Jake later apologizes and officially asks Rosa to join the Pontiac Bandit case. She agrees, but says that doesn't care about the pushups she just wished that he had trusted her. She eventually forgives Jake, but makes him do 2000 pushups anyway.
At the precinct, Holt is trying to give away some puppies, although Amy and Terry say they can't as Amy is allergic and Terry already has his hands full with the kids. Amy finds Gina hiding as she's sick of Charles and he can't go up the stairs. Amy thinks she's being harsh but she says that she had to do his cycling exercises with him.
Charles drops his back scratcher down his cast and asks Amy to get it as she has skinny forearms. She agrees much to her disgust and gets it. She suddenly realizes that she dropped her grandmother's ring down Charles' back cast and he goes off to the toilet to get it back. Amy goes and joins Gina. Eventually the whole squad joins Gina in her haven from Charles.
Holt finds Charles alone and asks where everybody is. He reveals that they are all hiding from him and he knows as Gina is live tweeting the whole thing. Charles reveals that he wasn't meant to come in yet, but he missed everybody and was lonely. Holt confronts everybody and is annoyed. He lectures them for hiding but Gina says that he's hard to take seriously due to the cute puppies. They decide to give the puppies to Charles, who is very happy.
Celebrities
Music
Television Shows
Films
- Gina Linetti
- Doug Judy
- Jake Peralta
- Rosa Diaz
- Terry Jeffords
- Charles Boyle
- Amy Santiago
- Raymond Holt
- Amy Santiago
Jake: He's here. Boyle is here.
Gina: This is so fun! I wish you guys got shot more often.
Charles: Buh-buh-buh-back in the Nine-Nine.
[Cheers and applause]
Holt: Welcome back, Detective.
Charles: Wow, is this all for me?
Jake: Of course it is. What're you wearing, there, buddy?
Charles: Oh, none of my pants fit over my butt cast. Lucky for me my mom lent me her leg warmers.
Jake: That is lucky.
Amy: Pretty sweet scooter.
Charles: Yeah, I know. Check out these doughnuts. Whoo-hoo!
[Knocks some papers off a desk]
Jake: Oh, that went terribly. Can I help you with something?
Charles: Nope, nope. Everything's under control. I picked up a couple reacher grabbers.
Jake: Yeah.
[Jerks away from Charles]
Charles: So I'm able to do everything that I used to do. So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make myself a morning cup of coffee like I do every day.
[Charles wheels himself over to the kitchen]
Charles: Okay, okay.
Just gotta... No problem. [Drops a mug]
[Mug shatters]
[People ooh]
Charles: Oh... The heart is the hardest part. [He drops another mug]
[People oh]
Rosa: Let me get that for you, Boyle.
Charles: No need. No need at all. That's sweet, Rosa. Here we go. [He drops a third mug and it shatters]
Terry: Ah... Hey, Charles, just take my coffee. It's fresh.
Charles: Okay, I guess. I mean, if you don't mind.
Terry: All right, you got it?
Jake: Ah... [Chuckles]
Charles: No problem.
Gina: Why wouldn't you just use your other hand?
Charles: [Tries to drink coffee and then spills and drops Terrys cup] Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Hot coffee in my cast! Ah! [Gasps]
[Gina grabs some milk and begins to pour it down his cast]
Charles: Ah... [Sighs] Cold milk.
[Gina continues pouring milk down his cast]
Charles: Cold milk.
Jake: That's coming out the bottom.
Charles: It is coming out the bottom of my cast.
[People groan]
Gina: All right.
♪ Intro sequence ♪
Jake: Hey. What's going on?
Rosa: Just picked him up on a dozen counts of identity theft. [Pans to Doug Judy in the interegation room and back to Jake and Rosa] His name is Doug Judy. You ever seen him before?
Jake: No.
Doug Judy: [Starts singing]
♪ Rosa ♪
♪ Rosa, Rosa ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Beautiful Rosa ♪
Rosa: I think he's into me.
Jake: What do you do to these perps?
Rosa: Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac. Anyway, he said he wants to speak to "John or Jack Peralta or whatever."
Jake: What does he want with me? And should I change my name to Jack Peralta? That sounds badass. [Dramatic voice] Jack Peralta, crocodile hunter.
Rosa: Yeah. He said he wants a deal. He has some information about some dude who steals Pontiacs.
Jake: Pontiacs? He knows about the Pontiac Bandit. Listen to me, he specifically said he knows a guy who steals Pontiacs?
Rosa: Yeah, I just said that. Chill, man.
[Jake lightly shoves Rosa on her arm}
Jake: Okay. [Rosa shoves him on the arm back] Okay, sorry.
[They both keep shoving each other a couple more times]
Jake: M'kay. [Laughs and lightly shoves her on the arm, again]
Doug: Hey, Diaz. Come here and talk to me.
Jake: This dude is super horny.
Rosa: Yeah.
Charles: Ah. Whoa. [Scooter beeping]
[Beeping continues]
Charles: Backing up, guys.
Gina: Oh, are you? Huh.
Scooter's computer voice: Please get out of my way. I am physically disabled. [Repeats again loudly]
Charles: One of these buttons... [Horn honking] Sorry, sorry.
Holt: Oh, you don't have to apologize for anything, Boyle. You were shot in the line of duty, defending a fellow officer.
Charles: You know, the doctor said that if the b*llet was two millimeters to the left and a foot higher, I might never have walked again.
Holt: Everyone here appreciates your heroism, Boyle. We all want your first day back to be as pleasant and as comfortable as possible. Right, detectives?
Terry: Absolutely. Hey, Boyle. You want to choose where we order lunch from today?
Charles: Really? You're lifting the lifetime ban? I thought my lunch choices were "horrifying adventures in diarrhea."
Amy: Today, Charles, we take that adventure with you.
Charles: All right! I've been craving Sudanese all day. I'll print out some menus.
[Charles rolls over Holts foot]
[Thump]
Holt: [In an even tone] Ouch. You ran over my foot. I am in incredible pain.
Doug Judy: I used to work at a chop shop. It was chill. Decent hours, good benefits. You could work while you were High. Which I never did, 'cause that's irresponsible. Anyway, we did a lot of work for this dude who stole Pontiacs.
Jake: The Pontiac Bandit!
Doug Judy: Okay. We called him Bill, but whatever.
Jake: No, not whatever. The Pontiac bandit is my Nemesis. I've been chasing this guy for eight years. He's stolen hundreds of cars, all of them Pontiacs. He's never left any evidence, and he's never been caught on Cam the guy is a ghost.
Doug Judy: Super ghost.
Jake: He's a super ghost!
Rosa: Before we go any further, we need to know if you're for real. Describe the guy.
Doug Judy: Asian dude. Maybe 5'8", spiky black hair. Rocks in both ears. Always wears a black suit. And speaks with a British accent. Like my girl Dame Judi Dench. I have impeccable taste.
Jake: So would you say he looks sort of like...[Reveals sketch of exactly who Doug Judy was describing] This?
Doug Judy: That's Bill.
Jake: This is a composite sketch from ten interviews I've done. Perfect match.
Rosa: So all you know is what a bunch of other mopes have said over the years. Anything else?
Doug Judy: Yeah. I know how to get in touch with him.
Jake: [Low fives Doug Judy] Doug Judy!
Amy: You wanted to see me, Captain?
Holt: My husband's dog Cheddar had relations with our neighbor dog karate and produced these two smaller dogs he insisted that I find them a good home with someone we trust.
Amy: You can trust me.[Grabs one of the puppies and holds it] Dogs are my whole life. Also work. Doing work and hanging with dogs. That's my lifestyle.[Sneezes]
[Coughs]
Holt: You're allergic to dogs, aren't you?
Amy: Nope. I just need an EpiPen because my happiness is making my throat close up.
Holt: Hand me the small dog, Santiago.
[Amy walks away and continues sneezing]
Jake: So the burner phone that Doug Judy used to contact the Pontiac bandit is at his mom's house. He's agreed to help us catch the bandit if we drop all charges against him.
Holt: How many cars would you say this Pontiac bandit has stolen?
Jake: 230 that I know of. But the real number could be in the millions.
Holt: You're not very good at math. What are the charges against Judy?
Rosa: 12 counts of identity theft, but I've been chasing him for a month.
Jake: [Sarcastically] Oh, a month? [Continues in normal tone] I've been trying to catch the Pontiac bandit for eight years. You know how many months that is?
Rosa: 96.
Jake: [Starts talking over Rosa] 80--40--and 6 years, months.
Holt: Do you need a math tutor? Because the department will provide one for you.
Jake: I can't tell if you're being serious.
Holt: I'm on the fence here. Diaz caught him. It's your call.
Jake: Look, this guy is for real. 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: 1,000 push-ups, really?
Jake: Yes.
Rosa: Okay. I'm in.
Holt: What's 1,000 push-ups?
Jake: Oh, we were in the academy together, and we hated all the drills, so now when we're on a case and one of us says 1,000 push-ups, it means I'm so sure I'm right that if I'm wrong, I'll do 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: It's a pact we made. It really just means "trust me." And I do.
Holt: Okay. Make the deal. Yes!
Jake: I've got you now, Pontiac bandit. Whoo! Feels good to finally say that in front of actual people instead of just the mirror.
[Next Scene]
Jake: All right, so we grab the burner, catch the bandit, become police legends.
Doug Judy: My mom's car is here. She's home. Can I take these cuffs off?
Rosa: No way.
Doug Judy: She doesn't know I'm a criminal. She thinks I own an architecture firm with all white employees.
Jake: That's r*cist.
Rosa: Why stop there? Why not tell her you're an astronaut?
Doug Judy: 'Cause space is scary. You saw what it did to Sandy Bullock.
Jake: Yeah, I'm with him on this one. I'll stay on earth, thank you very much.
Doug Judy: Yeah. [Laughs]
Jake: Come on, Rosa. We can play-act with his mom for two minutes to get a lead.
Rosa: Fine. One false move, and I tase you in front of your mom.
Diane Judy: Dougie! Oh, my beautiful boy. [Doug Judy hugs her and kisses her on the cheek]
[Smooches]
Diane Judy: Well, shouldn't you be at work?
Doug Judy: Never too busy to see my mama.
Diane Judy: Oh.
Doug Judy: Mama, this is my girlfriend Rosa. [Doug tries to kiss her and she backs away] And this is my personal assistant. Mangy Carl.
Jake: Aw, it's nice to meet you. You can just call me Carl.
Doug Judy: Mangy Carl used to be a homeless gentleman. I work with a charity that finds jobs for down-on-their-luck white people.
Diane Judy: Oh... [Holds Doug Judys hand]
Jake: He's just a big, old angel. He's been so good to... The whites.
[Doug and Diane laugh]
Diane Judy: Yes, he is.
Doug Judy: Yeah. This guy. [Rubs Jakes head]
Jake: Aw...
[Diane and Doug laughing]
Jake: Hey, speaking of which, we should probably grab that phone, you know, so you can get back to architecturals.
Doug Judy: Yes, it's in the spare bedroom.
Diane Judy: I'll go with you. It's a mess.
Jake: Actually, we can handle it on our own, ma'am. Thank you so much. Why don't you just stay up here and... Chop it up with Rosa?
Diane Judy: Well, that sounds nice. We can get to know each other a little.
Rosa: I love getting to know people. It's my jam.
Charles; [Slurping] Oh, how good is this food?
Amy: I'm eating it.
Gina: They accidentally put a stone in mine.
Charles; Oh, no, no, no, no, that's the hoof! [Gasps] That's the best part of the stew! Oh, man. Think of it as marrow nugget wrapped in a thick toenail.
[Everyone but Charles gags]
Charles: [Slurps] Mmm. Hey, did I tell you guys what the doctor said?
Gina: Mm-hmm. Couple times.
Terry: But we'd love to hear it again.
Charles: He said that if the b*llet was a fraction of an inch to the left and two feet up, it woulda hit my brain.
Terry: Oh... Yeah.
Amy: Yeah
Charles: Yeah. [Slurps]
Gina: Oh... [Looks away]
Jake: [Texting as Doug Judy] "Back in the game. When can we meet?"
Doug Judy: Damn, you're a good assistant. I could get used to this.
Jake: How long till he usually gets back to you?
Doug Judy: Like ten minutes. Chill, mangy.
Jake: I can't chill. I've never been this close before.
Doug Judy: I gotta admit, your enthusiasm makes me want you to catch him.
Jake: Thank you. Are these laserdiscs?
Doug Judy: Yeah, I robbed a tower records back in '92. Kept my faves.
Jake: Doug Judy.
Doug Judy: Ooh.
Jake: Blade runner, tron, oh! Fievel goes west?
Doug Judy: Yes, sir. Love that little mouse. His journey... The story of America.
Jake: I could not agree more.
Doug Judy: Fievel?
Jake: Papa.
Doug Judy: Fievel!
Jake: Papa!
Doug Judy: Fie-vel!
Jake: Pa-PA!
Doug Judy: Fie-vel!
Rosa: You guys having fun?
Jake: Hey.
Rosa: 'Cause I'm not. His mom put this stupid braid in my hair.
Doug Judy: Oh, looks beautiful.
Jake: Yeah, it's kinda cute.
[Rosa cuts off the braid with a knife]
Doug Judy: Please have my children.
[Phone chimes]
Jake: It's him. Parking lot on Flatbush and Vanderbilt in 15 minutes. Let's go.
Doug: Wait, wait, wait. Diaz looks like a dirty criminal. But you look like a cop, man. You can't go over there like that.
Jake: What'd you have in mind?
♪ Don't call it a comeback ♪
♪ I been here for years ♪
♪ Rockin' my peers and puttin' suckas in fear ♪
♪ Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon ♪
♪ Listen to the bass go boom ♪
♪ expl*si*n overpowerin' ♪
♪ Over the competition I'm towerin' ♪
Jake: I don't look like a cop now.
Rosa: No, you look like a Boyz II Men Easter album.
Doug Judy: Burn.
Jake: That's not a burn, that's cool.
[Door opens]
Terry: Gina, we've been looking all over for you. You can't just disappear and leave a sign on your desk that says, "gone leavin'."
Gina: I'm hiding from Charles. I can't take him anymore. It's safe in here 'cause his scooter can't get up the steps in the hallway.
Amy: Gina, have some compassion. Boyle got hurt doing something brave.
Gina: You didn't have to do physical therapy with him, Amy.
[Flashes to Charles laying on his desk and Gina moving his legs]
Charles: Pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal, push. Pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal, push. All this cycling makes me feel like Lance Armstrong.
Gina: Like you use performance-enhancing dr*gs and have one teste?
Charles: Wouldn't you like to know?
Amy: How long can you possibly hide in here?
Gina: I sent all the Captain's calls here, my phone battery's at 100% charge, and I have ten loose diner mints in my purse. This is my home now.
Jake: I gotta say, the suit is growing on me.
Doug Judy: Looks good.
Jake: Is it triple-breasted somehow?
Doug Judy: There's no such thing.
Jake: What about the girl in Total Recall?
Doug Judy: Mmm. Triple bitties.
Jake: Triple bitties.
Doug Judy: Triple bitties. Yeah.
Jake: [Laughs] Rosa...
Rosa: There's no sign of anyone. You sure about this?
Jake: 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: Okay. [Car approaches] Heads up.
Doug Judy: Who the hell are you? Where's Bill?
Thug: He hadn't heard from you in a while, so he sent me to make sure everything was cool. Apparently it's not. Who are they?
Doug Judy: They're with me. This is the buyer. Carl Mangerman.
Jake: 'Sup?
Thug: I don't know them, I don't trust them. He meets with you alone or it's off. I'll text the address. [He drives away]
Jake: Come on! I promise you this. They have not heard the last of Carl Mangerman.
Holt: Sergeant, I'd like you to meet Richard and Dan. They are puppies.
Terry: Very cute, sir.
Holt: Maybe your twins would like some little, furry friends.
Terry: I'm sorry, sir, but that's impossible. With the twins learning how to walk, chaos reigns at the Jeffords household. I can't let those innocent pups into that madhouse. Terry won't do you like that.
Holt: I understand. Just know you have disappointed...[Hugs the puppies] All three of us.
Terry: That's cold, sir.
Jake: All right, it's worth the risk. We send him in alone.
Rosa: No, we do not. Something doesn't smell right to me.
Doug Judy: Could be my dad's suit. He died in it.
Jake: He died in it? Oh, man. [Phone chimes] They just sent the location.
Doug Judy: Man, this dude is cautious. If I show up one minute late or I'm not alone, he's done with me. This is your last shot.
Jake: I can't let the Pontiac Bandit get away. Put a wire on him, get a tactical team in as backup. It's the only way. Doug Judy and I know this guy. You have to trust us.
Rosa: Do I? One of you is a criminal, and the other one is dressed like Steve Harvey. It's over. I'm ending this now. Sorry, Jake.
Jake: Seriously?
Rosa: Yeah. 1,000 push-ups.
Jake: Well, I raise you. 2,000 push-ups.
Rosa: What? That's not how this works. I said 1,000 push-ups, you have to back me up. That's the pact, end of story.
Jake: Well, I break the pact.
Rosa: I hope you understand how serious this is to me.
Jake: Come on, Rosa. 'Can't you read between the lines, man?'
Rosa: Don't quote Die Hard.
Jake: Sorry. But we're still sending him in alone.
[Next scene]
Jake: We need evidence, so get him talking. Ask questions about money, cars, specifics.
Doug Judy: I'm getting kind of nervous, man. This dude is for real. You sure you got everything covered?
Jake: Yeah. There's a body on the back door, eyes on the side door, and two guys out on the corner. You're gonna be fine.
Doug Judy: What about choppers? You got choppers? With sn*pers and rockets?
Jake: No one has rocket choppers. Although that does sound amazing.
Charles: So, what'd I miss? Tell me all the jokes. Everything funny that happened.
Amy: Charles, we really need to get back to...
Terry: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did. But it brought me and Scully closer together.
Charles: [Laughs] That's great! What else? Oh... Oh, I laughed too hard. Lost another highlighter. Does anyone have skinny forearms?
Amy: Fine.
Charles: Great.
[Amy reaches down his cast and gags]
Charles: Yeah, it's way down there by my butt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Amy: Is that it?
Charles: Yup.
Amy: Oh, okay.
Charles: Right there.
[Grabs highlighter and removes her arm from his cast]
Amy: Ah! Got it. Oh, my God. Where's my grandmother's ring?
Charles: Oop. Found it. I'll be right back.
Scooter's computer voice: Please get out of my way. I am physically disabled. [Beeping] Please get out of my way.
Gina: Welcome to the Boyle-free zone. Please turn off all cell phones so as not to attract any unwanted attention. Can I offer you a mint?
Rosa: We got eyes on the bandit. He's a block away.
Jake: You ready?
Doug Judy: You and me, Jakey. We were born ready.
Jake: Go, Judy, go.
[Shutter clicking]
Jake: We meet at last, Pontiac Bandit. For eight years I've tracked you. And today I'm taking you down. Doug Judy, can you hear me? Say something to test the wire.
Doug Judy: Hey, Diaz... After we put the cuffs on this guy, I'll be free for dinner. You like spaghetti? And weed?
Jake: The mic works.
Doug Judy: My man. What's up?
Norman Lee: Pleasure to see you again.
Doug: Let's talk about cars. I got my shop up and running again. I can do anything you want. Blue cars, red cars, big cars, small cars, you know, cars. Cars are really great, aren't they?
Rosa: What is he doing?
Jake: Talking about cars.
Holt: Boyle, where is everyone?
Charles: Hiding from me in the evidence room. They think I don't know, but Gina's been live tweeting the whole thing.
Holt: She live tweets everything. Ruined Downton Abbey for me.
Charles: Maybe it was too soon for me to come back. I would've just stayed at home, but I was getting lonely and bored. One day I looked out the window for four hours. I didn't see anything.
Holt: Huh.
Doug Judy: You know what else is great about cars? The way they look. How they stop, how they start.
Rosa: That's it. I'm calling it.
Jake: No!
Rosa: Move, people, we're going in now. [Entering the meet g*n raised] NYPD down now!
Jake: [G*n also raised entering the meet] On your knees!
Rosa: Hands on your head!
Jake: Gotcha, Pontiac Bandit. Where's Doug Judy?
Norman Lee: He went to the bathroom. I'm just here to give him a haircut. I don't know what's going on.
Jake: A likely story, Pontiac... But actually you do have a lot of hair products.
Rosa: He's gone. He ran.
Jake: Why would he do that? He helped us catch the Pontiac Bandit. That was the deal. Doesn't make any sense unless... Doug Judy is the Pontiac Bandit.
[Siren whoops]
Jake: Put out an APB. Seal off everything for a 20-block radius.
Doug Judy: Yeah, don't bother looking for me. I'm in the wind. [Blowing]
Jake: If you're close enough for me to hear you, you're close enough for me to catch you.
Doug Judy: Nah, I got a relay set up, brother.
Jake: So if you're the Pontiac Bandit, who's this joker?
Doug Judy: Couple of years ago you were getting really close, so I started telling all my associates if they ever get caught, they should describe me as...
Arrested Associate #1: Asian dude, 5'8", spiky hair.
Arrested Associate #2: Wears diamond earrings and has a...
Arrested Associate #3: British accent.
Jake: So then you hired a guy who matched that exact description.
Doug Judy: No, no, no, no, no, no. That's my barber Norman Lee. He gave me the idea.
Norman Lee: You know, if you can't come in, I do house calls. You just text me a location and I could be there in half an hour.
Doug Judy: Good to know. You know, you should actually use him while he's there. He'll give you a dope fade.
Jake: I get dope enough fades from my current barber, thank you. So you dragged us over here, went in there, pretended to talk, and then snuck out the basement. Am I right?
Doug Judy: The basement connected to another basement! Which connected to a garage, which is where my boy picked me up.
Jake: Your boy? Oh, that guy from the meet-up. He works for you. He pretended to be spooked by me and Diaz in the parking lot to make sure that we let you go to the next meeting by yourself.
Doug Judy: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! You win a Teddy bear!
Jake: You lied to me, Doug Judy. Gotta be honest, I'm pretty disappointed right now. I mean, was that even really your mom?
Doug Judy: Hell yeah, that's my real mom. I wanted to see her one last time before I disappeared. I told you I was sensitive, Rosa.
Rosa: Yeah, you did. Why don't you come back here and take me out to dinner?
Doug Judy: Ah... [Laughs] I know you're trying to trap me. But crazy thing is I'm tempted! That's how hot I find you. Sorry it had to go down this way, Peralta. Maybe we could've been friends in another world. If I hadn't just fooled you like a little b*tch! [Engine revs]
Doug Judy: [Laughing] B*tch!
Jake: 'Kay.
Terry: Hey, Captain, we thought we'd get more work done in here, because...
Holt: You're all hiding from Boyle.
Hitchcock: Not me, Captain. I was napping.
Holt: That's worse.
Amy: Captain, we all think Boyle's a hero, but it's very difficult to be around him right now.
Terry: I was in the bathroom with him, sir. It was a nightmare.
[Flashes to Terry holding Charles while Charles uses the toilet to pee]
Charles: Hey, Sarge, this cast has a special cr*tch hole. It's like a doggy door for my p*nis. Shake. [Terry shakes Charles]
Holt: That man took a b*llet for this precinct. He's a guy who's always looking for love and friendship. And he needs it now more than ever. But you all turned your backs on him. And you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Gina: [Giggles] I'm sorry. Those puppies are so cute.
Amy: They do undercut your tone a bit, sir.
Terry: But on the plus side, I think I know what to do with them.
Holt: Detective Boyle. I think you might be able to give these dogs a good home.
Charles: Ah...
Scooter's computer voice: You are off the scooter. If you have fallen, please call a doctor.
[Holt hands Charles the puppies]
Charles: Oh, Captain... I don't know if I should... okay. [Puppies start licking his face] Oh... [Laughs] That tickles. They like me so much! [Gasps]
Amy: [Exhales]
Holt: Are you crying, Santiago?
Amy: I'm so allergic. Can you tell the scooter to call an ambulance? [Gasps]
Jake: Hey. So... I went back to the mom's house. Unsurprisingly a dead end.
Rosa: I got a lot of work to do, Peralta.
Jake: Wait. I want to say something. We've worked together long enough that I know how much you hate apologies. I just want to ask you to join the Doug Judy case. Officially, as partners. I want to catch this guy, and I can't do it without you.
Rosa: No, you can't.
Jake: Now I believe I owe you 1,000 push-ups.
Rosa: I don't care about the push-ups, Jake. I care that you didn't honor our pact. I've always trusted you, and when you did that it made me feel like you don't trust me.
Jake: I know, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Rosa: No, it won't. Now get down on the floor.
Jake: What? You just said you didn't care about the push-ups.
Rosa: I changed my mind.
Jake: Fair enough. A pact's a pact. [Groans] One, two, three...[Some time later] 612...
Rosa: Night, Peralta.
Jake: Night. 613... Hey, Ronald. [Groans] [More time later] 1,000... Is so many push-ups. I'm never gonna make it. What am I at?
Holt: 901.
Jake: Thank you, Captain.
Rosa: You said 2,000, remember?
Jake: Agh! I shoulda trusted you! [Sobbing]
Cast
| Actor | Character | |
|---|---|---|
| Andy Samberg | ... | Jake Peralta |
| ... | Mangy Carl | |
| Stephanie Beatriz | ... | Rosa Diaz |
| Terry Crews | ... | Terry Jeffords |
| Melissa Fumero | ... | Amy Santiago |
| Joe Lo Truglio | ... | Charles Boyle |
| Chelsea Peretti | ... | Gina Linetti |
| Andre Braugher | ... | Raymond Holt |
| Dirk Blocker | ... | Michael Hitchcock |
| Joel McKinnon Miller | ... | Norm Scully |
| Craig Robinson | ... | Doug Judy |
| Armelia McQueen | ... | Diane Judy |
| Jose Chavez | ... | Tattoo Guy |
| London Kim | ... | Norman 'The Barber' Lee |
| Jake Lockett | ... | Jeff |
| Andre Edwards | ... | Mechanic |
| Puppies | ... | Richard and Dan |
| None | ... | Karate (Neighbor Dog) |
Cool Cool Cool Things
99th Precinct
Trivia
- Amy is revealed to be allergic to dogs
- Rosa hates apologies
- Doug Judy's father is deceased
- Jake is bad at math
- Charles was wearing his mom's leg warmers
- There's a lifetime ban on Charles choosing where they order from lunch
- His choices are horrifying adventures in diarrhea
- The Pontiac Bandit is Jake's nemesis
- Jake has been chasing the Pontiac Bandit for 8 years
- Never leaves evidence, never gets caught on cameras
- Holt's neighbors dog is named Karate
- Jake and Rosa were in the police academy together
- Doug Judy's mom thinks he owns an architecture firm with all white employees
- Gina left a note on her desk that says "Gone Leavin'"
- Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident
- Amy lost her grandmother's ring in Boyle's butt cast
- Gina was live tweeting the entire time they were in the evidence room hiding from Boyle
- Holt watches Downton Abbey
- Boyle's cast has a crotch hole that's like a doggy door
Running Gags Mentioned
- Amy embarrassed in front of Holt
- Die Hard
- Foodie Boyle
- Hitchcock and Scully Napping on the Job
- Robot Captain
Featured Relationships
Connections to Previous Episodes
- Charles Boyle was shot in the line of duty in the earlier episode, Christmas.
- Jake refers to Rosa's 1,000 pushups pact when trying to get Terry to trust him and the Pontiac Bandit in the Season 6 episode A Tale of Two Bandits.
- Rosa asks Judy why he doesn't just tell his mom he's an astronaut. In the Season 6 episode, A Tale of Two Bandits, his mother believes he works for Black NASA.
- Doug Judy tells Jake "I'm in the wind." Trudy Judy says the same thing in the Season 6 episode, A Tale of Two Bandits.
Videos
Images
Goofs
- When breaching the Pontiac Bandit's meetup, they pull open a door that has a push sign on it.
Behind The Scenes
| Filming Location | City, State | Details | Scenes |
|---|---|---|---|
| NYPD 78th Precinct | Brooklyn, New York | Building exterior | Establishing shots meant to represent the 99th Precinct |
| South 5th Street | Next to river, beneath Williamsburg Bridge | Ensemble walking down the street in the Title Sequence | |
| CBS Studio Center | Studio City, California | Stage 12 | Scenes that take place in the 99th Precinct |
| Alley between the closed Dearden's Electronics & Van Nuys Apartments | Los Angeles, California | Alley/Parking lot in the block between | Rosa and Jake join Doug Judy for the meet up in the parking lot |