[We start off with Jake Peralta walking out of a car. We hear his voice-over while he ducks over some tape, heading inside what seems to be a store.]
JAKE:[Dramatically] This job is eating me alive. I can't breathe anymore. I spent all these years trying to be the good guy, the man in the white hat. I'm not becoming like them. I am them.
AMY: Hey! What are you doing, weirdo?
[The camera pans onto a frustrated Amy Santiago. We then see Jake projecting his face onto multiple TV screens inside the store, using what seems to be a video camera that's attached to the ten monitors.]
JAKE: I'm doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. Or actually, ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. [He stares at the screens of himself.] 'Sup? AMY: Get it together, man. Okay?
[Amy is now talking with the store owner. She has a notebook open, and a pen in hand.]
AMY: So the store was hit about two hours ago. They took mostly tablets, laptops, and cameras.
[We hear a keyboard playing an 80s hip-hop beat. Jake is seen fiddling with it.]
JAKE: Sorry.
[He stops the music. Amy returns back to the store owner.]
AMY: I'd like a list of all your employees, whoever had access to the store. I'd also like to apologize for my partner. His parents didn't give him enough attention.
JAKE: Uh, Detective... [Amy looks to Jake slowly.] I already solved the case. We're looking for three white males, one of whom has sleeve tats on both arms.
AMY: [Walking over to Jake.] And how do you know that? JAKE: I had an informant on the inside. He's been here for years. Watching, learning. Waiting. His code name? [He holds up a stuffed bear.] Fuzzy Cuddle bear. He's a nanny cam. [He flips the bear over to show the electronic device inside, which appears to be the end of a camera.]
AMY: [Scoffs] You got lucky.
JAKE: No, I got here five minutes before you and figured that in this gigantic electronics store, there had to be at least one working camera. [He plugs the camera into the TV screens, broadcasting the recorded video of two guys stealing. We see their face clearly.] Oh! Hi, bad guys! [He looks to the bear] You did it, fuzzy. You busted 'em. It's time to come home.
JAKE: [Imitating the Fuzzy while holding him up.] I'm not sure if I can. I've been undercover so long, I've forgotten who I am. I have seen terrible things. I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons.
AMY: [Turning away.] All right.
JAKE: [Still imitating Fuzzy, however there is desperation in his voice.] Detective Santiago! Don't walk away from me!
[At the precinct.]
[Jake is bringing in the thieves from the store, heading over to the hold-up cells. While putting them in, he ends up bumping into Amy while trying to get out. Amy holds her hands up in defense, Jake pretends as if nothing happens, smiling.]
[We are then guided into the briefing room. It is 8:31 AM.]
[Jake is sitting down, in a room full of detectives when he looks to everyone.]
JAKE: Yes, I did crack the case. So, Santiago, would you do the honors?
[Amy, frustrated, sighs and gets up from her spot, heading over to a board. There is a small table in the corner of the board, which has a row called 'Peralta', and another called 'Santiago'. Under Peralta, it has 23, and under Santiago, it has 22.]
AMY: I hate this!
JAKE: Ah, yeah. And you're just gonna add one.
[Amy changes the 23 to a 24. However, she wrote it really small.]
JAKE: I'm winning.
[The whole room applauded, cheering the situation on.]
AMY: I hate this!
JAKE: It's a good feeling. It's a good feeling. Yeah.
AMY: [Returning to her seat.] Enjoy it while it lasts.
JAKE: I will!
[Terry Jeffords is now standing up front. He is going to start up the briefing. There is a TV behind him.]
TERRY: JP, update on the Morgenthau murder?
[Jake standing up from his spot, heading to the front of the room. There is now a slideshow on the TV which Jake is controlling.] Yeah! Good news for all you murder fans. Earlier this morning someone decided to shoot and kill luxury food importer Henry Morgenthau. [He flipped through the slides of the murder scene from the TV.] Body was found by the cleaning lady, during her interview, I deduced, using expert Detective work, that she had something super gross on her chin. [He changed the slide to the woman, and zoomed in on the white blemish on her chin. We see Charles Boyle perk up on his seat.]
CHARLES: I think it was flan.
JAKE: Charles thinks it was flan. I think it was butterscotch pudding.
[We now see Rosa Diaz with her legs on the table and crossed arms.]
ROSA: Maybe it was just old person gunk. You know how old people always have that gunk on them.
JAKE: Oldie gunk. Could be, yeah. Anyone else?
TERRY: How about we focus on the murder and not the old person gunk?
AMY: Crime techs are at the scenes now. We're heading back when they're done.
TERRY: Okay, I want you on this. It's gonna be priority one for the new C.O.
ROSA: Wait, tell us about the new Captain.
TERRY: Captain Holt will be here soon. He'll wanna introduce himself. Dismissed.
[Everyone gets up from their seats and heads out the room.]
[We see Gina Linetti at her desk. There is a template that says 'Gina Linetti Civilian Administrator'. She seems to be looking through papers. Charles comes up to her, smiling wide and sitting in the seat in front of her desk.]
CHARLES: Hey, Gina. You know any scalpers? I wanna ask Rosa to go to the Rihanna concert with me, but it's sold out. [The camera zones on Rosa at the end of the room, getting a paper out of the file box.]
GINA: Okay, two points to make here. First, Rihanna... You... [She looks disappointing.] And then Rihanna. [She flares her hands in the air to emphasize on the point.]
CHARLES: Yeah. What's your second point?
GINA: She's got a type. Which is really anyone but you.
CHARLES: Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type too.
GINA: Look, a Rihanna concert's a pretty big swing, man. I don't know. She's into watching old movies.
CHARLES: Cool. Where would I find a place that shows old movies?
GINA: Oh, yeah, just go on the Internet and search for the phrase "I want to buy two movie tickets for a girl who doesn't like me."
CHARLES: Great. [Genuinely thinking she has given him good advice. He stands up to leave.] Thank you.
GINA: [as he is leaving] Good...
[Amy is leaning against Jake's desk.]
AMY: Hey, you heard anything about the new Captain?
JAKE: Uh, no, and I don't care. I just wish Captain McGintley never left, he was the best.
AMY: He was terrible. You just liked him 'cause he let you do anything you wanted.
[We see a flashback of Jake and Rosa on their chairs in an open space inside the precicnt. They have fire extinguishers in hand and it's pretty clear on what they want to accomplish. Everyone is around them, anticipated for the outcomes while clapping and cheering along.]
JAKE: On your marks, get set...
[The Captain's officer doors open and in comes who we presume is Captain McGintley. Everyone stops.]
MCGINTLEY: What the hell's going on around here?
JAKE: Fire extinguisher roller chair derby?
MCGINTLEY: Okay.
[He goes back into his office, closing the door behind him.]
JAKE: And go!
[They shoot the extinguishers which projects them through the precinct, however it isn't as fast and powerful as a rocket launcher, however they do get pretty far.]
JAKE: Yeah!
[We now get back from the flashback, where Amy is looking at Jake with disappointment.]
Jake: What's your point?
[She sighs.]
AMY: If I'm ever gonna make Captain, I need a good mentor. I need my rabbi.
Jake: Sorry, dude. But this new guy's gonna be another washed-up pencil pusher who's only concerned with [He imitates a robot.] Following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep morp zeep. Robot Captain Engage.
MAN: Is that what you think?
[We now see a man behind Jake, who is staring him down. He has the new Captain uniform on, and seems to be the new Captain, Raymond Holt.]
Jake: He-hey! New Captain alert. [He stands up.] You must be the new C.O. I'm Detective Jake Peralta. Great to meet you.
HOLT: Now don't let me interrupt. You were describing what kind of person I'm gonna be. I'd like you to finish.
Jake: That's not necessary. [Holt stares at him, and Jake is sort of intimidated.] Or I could recap very quickly, sure. Um, let's see. I think I said some joke about being a washed-up pencil pusher.
HOLT: Now do the robot voice.
Jake: Which-
HOLT: The robot voice you were doing when you implied I'm a rule-following robot. I wanna hear it again.
[Jake looks around the room where everyone is watching the scene happen. Amy seems rather proud in the moment, as if she's enjoying the scene.]
Jake: [Softy, slowly and without any enthusiasm.] Meep morp zarp. Robot.
HOLT: That's a terrible robot voice.
Jake: Yep.
HOLT: The next time I see you, I'd like you to be wearing a necktie.
[Holt starts to leave.]
Jake: Oh, actually, the last Captain didn't care if we wore ties.
HOLT: [Stopping just before he enters his new office.] Well, your new Captain does. And more importantly, he cares that you follow his direct orders. [He then turns to the rest of the detectives and officers in the precinct.] Everyone, I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Ray Holt.
AMY: Speech!
HOLT: That was my speech.
AMY: Short and sweet.
HOLT: Sergeant Jeffords, a word. [He points to Terry.]
TERRY: Yes, sir.
[They leave.]
AMY: I love that guy.
Jake: Same!
GINA: He's so suave. Does anyone get a little bit of a gay vibe? [Everyone is quiet.] No? Okay. [She leaves too.]
[Captain Holt places his name template on the desk, sitting down on his seat as he talks to Terry.]
HOLT: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly...
TERRY: Fatter, sir. They called me "Terry Titties." Because I had large, uh...
HOLT: Titties, yes. I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though to be fair, it was accurate. What's this I hear about you being on administrative leave?
TERRY: A year ago, my wife and I had twin baby girls. [He shows Holt his wallet with the photos of his kids.] Cagney and Lacey.
HOLT: They have adorable chubby cheeks.
TERRY: Ever since, I kinda got scared of getting hurt. Lost my edge. There was an incident in a department store.
[We are now in a flashback to where Jake and Terry are holding guns in a department store, trying to hide from perps it seems.]
Jake: Hey, man, you okay? You look a little jumpy.
TERRY: I'm fine. I'm fine.
[He hears knocking and starts to scream, coming out of his hiding spot and starts shooting in front of him. We see that he is only shooting a mannequin, but apparently he still doesn't realise because Terry continues to shoot. The mannequin falls down on the ground after the excessive amount of bullet wounds.]
Jake: I think he's dead.
[In Holt's office.]
TERRY: And I'm still not right.
HOLT: [Standing up and heading to his office window, looking over the precinct.] Tell me about your Detective squad.
TERRY: Um... Well, Scully, Hitchcock, and Daniels. [We see a group of three talking amongst themselves. Two of them are Norm Scully and Michael Hitchcock. The other is Daniels, however we do not ever see her again except for this scene. We still do not know if she is even alive.] They're pretty much worthless, but they make good coffee.
HOLT: Copy that.
TERRY: Now the good ones. Rosa Diaz.
[We see a woman on her desk, browsing online. The internet seems to be slow since she tapped the TV with her hand once. Then again. Then multiple times in a row.] Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.
[Flashback time. It is Christmas, and we see Hitchcock at the printer when Rosa comes in.]
ROSA: Tell me who has me for Secret Santa.
HITCHCOCK: No! That takes all the fun out of it.
[Hitchcock is smiling, but Rosa is far from happy. She glares at him while Hitchcock pales.]
HITCHCOCK: It's Scully. He got you a scarf. I'll make him return it.
ROSA: Yes, you will.
[Back to the present.]
TERRY: Charles Boyle.
[We cut to Charles at his desk, with multiple files in hand, and a phone rested against his ear and shoulder.]
TERRY: He's a grinder. Not the most brilliant Detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He's not physically... gifted.
[Flashback to Charles in the staff kitchen, ready to eat a muffin only to drop it on the floor.
CHARLES: Oh, man! My muffin. [He goes to pick it up, but his head hits the counter instead.] Ahh! Oh, my head! [He looks to the muffin which he accidentally stepped on.] My muffin, my head! And I stepped on the- On my muffin! And my head and my muffin.
[Back to the present.]
TERRY: Amy Santiago.
[We cut to Amy at her desk. A ball of elastics in hand, and her face scrunched up, concentrated.]
TERRY: She's got seven brothers, so she's always trying to prove she's tough.
[Flashback to Amy pouring hot sauce over her hotdog in the staff room.]
SCULLY: Careful. That stuff's pretty hot.
[She puts down her sandwich, staring at Scully.]
AMY: Oh, is it? Hmm? [She puts more sauce on her sandwich, until the top is filled with sauce. She goes to eat it, some sauce dripping onto her hand. Her face starts to scrunch up, and she's gagging, spitting the food right out. Scully doesn't even bat an eye.]
[Back to the present. We see the camera zoom in on Jake at his desk. He and Amy have close desks, and we can see that in the frame.]
TERRY: She and Peralta have some big bet over who gets more arrests this year. Ever since the bet, their numbers have gone way up.
HOLT: Tell me about Peralta.
[Jake now has an action figure in hand of a police man, and is examining it. In the light, out of the light, everywhere.]
TERRY: Jacob Peralta is my best Detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
HOLT: That was very well put.
TERRY: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally mandated therapy sessions.
HOLT: Look, you know my history. You know how important this is to me. This precinct is doing fine, but I wanna make it the best one in Brooklyn. And I need your help.
TERRY: Absolutely, sir. [They shake hands.] Where do we start?
[The camera cuts to just outside the glass where Jake is dancing up to Amy's desk.]
JAKE: [Whispering and singing to his dancing.] What is happening?
HOLT: We start with him.
[Morgenthau's Apartment. 1:15 PM.]
[Charles, Rosa and Jake are investigating the apartment with a few officers in the back.]
JAKE: Okay, so the perp came in through the window, [We see different camera angles of the crime scene itself, with remaining evidence scattered over the rooms.] Left the muddy red footprint, and apparently had sex with the dish rack. [We see a dish rack that has come out of the sink and is in ruin.]
AMY: Shell casing found here. Two shots. Bang, bang. [She gestured with fingers to where the gun would have shot Morgenthau, using them as guns.]
JAKE: Great work, Detective. You get a tie. [He threw one at her.]
CHARLES: Hey, that's mine. You took it from my desk.
JAKE: That's right, Charles. Good solve. Tie for you. [He gives him a tie.]
CHARLES: Thanks!
JAKE: Now everyone be sure to put those on because it's impossible to solve crimes - unless you're wearing a tie.
AMY: Lay off the Captain. That man is gonna be my rabbi.
JAKE: Okay, first of all, when you use the word "rabbi," you know that turns me on and that's unfair in the work environment. Secondly, your rabbi is a pain in my ass.
CHARLES: Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?
ROSA: He seems cool.
CHARLES: Yeah, he seems cool. I agree.
ROSA: Looks like the perp stole a computer, a watch, and a Jamon Iberico ham, valued at what! $6,000.
JAKE: $6,000 for a ham?
CHARLES: Jamon Iberico is an amazing cured ham from Spain. They had it at my uncle's funeral. I gorged myself at that funeral. I mean, I was constipated for three days.
JAKE: Wow, that's a great story, Charles, thank you. [Charles laughs.] All right, listen up, everybody. Better contact Captain Holt, let him know we got a ten-tie situation.
HOLT: Speaking of ties, where's yours, Meep Morp?
[We now see Holt at the entrance to the apartment.]
JAKE: This is fantastic. [He turns around.] Captain! Hey! Welcome to the murder. What are you doing here?
HOLT: I like to know what my detectives are up to. That okay by you?
JAKE: Yep.
HOLT: Take Santiago and knock on doors. See if the neighbors heard anything.
JAKE: Door duty? It's a waste of time.
HOLT: Diaz and Boyle. Check in the coroner. Report back to me in an hour.
[Holt leaves.]
JAKE: That went well.
HOLT: [From next door.] No, it didn't.
JAKE: He's got like super hearing.
[Rosa is getting into her car outside the apartment when Charles runs up to her.]
CHARLES: Hey, Rosa! Rosa. Rosa! [She turns around.] Um, I just happened to notice that there's an old movie festival playing at the film forum this week. Wanna go?
ROSA: Sure.
CHARLES: Cool! Awesome. There's a bunch of movie options.
[Rosa gets into her car.]
CHARLES: I'll probably just go with something classic like Citizen Kane.
ROSA: Citizen Kane is terrible. Pick a good movie.
CHARLES: Good call. Smart.
[Rosa drives away.]
CHARLES: I'll do it. I'll pick a better movie than Citizen Kane.
[Holt is in his office with Gina sitting in front of his desk, seeming that Holt has asked her to chat.]
HOLT: So Gina. Civilian administrators like yourself often have their ear to the ground. What do Santiago and Peralta have riding on this bet of theirs?
GINA: I will tell you on six conditions. Number one, you let me use your office to practice my dance moves. Second-
HOLT: How about this? If you tell me-
GINA: Mm-hmm.
HOLT: I won't have you suspended without pay.
GINA: Oh, that sounds great. [Holt sits down.] Okay, the deal is if Amy gets more arrests, Jake has to give her his car. It's an old Mustang, and it's pretty sweet. If he gets more arrests, she has to go on a date with him. He guarantees it will end in sex. I bet on at least some over-the-clothes action. At the very least, some touching-
HOLT: No, that's enough, Gina.
GINA: Caresses. I could see him showing up in a silk robe.
HOLT: That's enough, Gina.
GINA: All right.
HOLT: Thank you.
[We now see Jake and Amy going through dour duty in Morgenthau's building. It is 1:45 PM.]
JAKE: Let the wasting of time begin.
AMY: Hello, sir. Can we ask you a few questions?
GUY: Definitely. Yeah. I'm actually I'm super glad you guys are here right now. Are you smelling that weed smell?
AMY/JAKE: Yeah.
GUY: Cause a dude broke in, smoked weed, and bolted.
JAKE: Do you think it's the same dude that left that bong there on the floor?
GUY: [Looks at the ground and then back up at JAKE] Yes?
JAKE: Police!
AMY: Hello.
MLEPNOS: Hello.
AMY: What's your name?
MLEPNOS: My name?
AMY: Mm-hmm.
MLEPNOS: Mlepnos.
AMY: Can you spell that, please?
MLEPNOS: M-l-e-p Clay.
AMY: Did you say "Clay"?
MLEPNOS: Yes, the "Clay" is silent.
AMY: All right, got it. Have you seen this man before? He was shot last night.
MLEPNOS: Oh. Thank you.
AMY: No, sir, that's ours. We need that. We-
JAKE: -And he kept it.
AMY: Wall Street journal on the doormat Top floor apartment. Twenty bucks says this guy's like a hot, eligible bachelor.
JAKE: I'll take that action. Police! Open up!
OLD MAN: Hello.
JAKE: Oh! Hello, sir! How are you today? I am Detective Right-All-The-Time, and this is my partner Detective Terrible Detective.
CHARLES: No surprises from the coroner. A few gunshots, shoulder and chest.
JAKE: None of the neighbors heard or saw anything. And what's worse, Santiago struck out with a 92-year-old.
AMY: That is not accurate, sir.
JAKE:Wait, you hooked up with him? Ugh!
HOLT: All right, hit the pawn shops and canvass the neighborhood. And while you're out, you can buy yourself a tie.
JAKE: Oh, actually, sir I'm wearing a tie right now. Check it out. Secret tie.
HOLT: First of all, I think you're kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, Detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously? Does anyone here know why it's so important to me that you all dress appropriately? Hmm. Four highly trained detectives and not one of you can solve this simple mystery. I wanna be briefed on any new developments. Any questions?
JAKE: I was gonna ask you if you thought I was doing too much manscaping, but we solved that one. So I'm good. Hey, Boyle.
CHARLES: Yep.
JAKE: What about this fancy ham stuff?
CHARLES: Jamon Iberico.
JAKE: Yes. The perp left a really expensive TV but then stole ham? It doesn't make sense.Is there a place nearby the crime scene that sells it?
CHARLES: Beneficio's might.
JAKE: Let's go.
CHARLES: You gotta brief the C.O. first.
JAKE: We'll brief him after we catch the guy.
RATKO: My name is Ratko. I don't know anything.
JAKE: Oh, okay. You recognize this guy? Henry Morgenthau?
RATKO: No.
JAKE: Maybe actually look at the picture.
RATKO: I don't know him. I don't know what happened. No more questions.
JAKE: Well, why don't I run a scenario past you, Ratko, and you tell me what you think? You do know Morgenthau. He came in here and tried to sell you some hams. You knew they were worth a lotta money, so you tried to steal them from him when he wasn't home. Only he was home, so you shot him. Does that sound familiar? Uh, maybe some role play will jog your memory?
CHARLES: Great idea.
JAKE: Okay, yeah.
CHARLES: Okay. So I'm I'm Ratko.
JAKE: No, no, I'm Ratko.
CHARLES: Come on. I'm always the victim.
JAKE: Look, I'm doing this with you right here.
CHARLES: Fine, fine. Oh! I'm Henry Morgenthau, owner of delicious and expensive hams. Don't I know you from the grocery store?
JAKE: Kill! And scene. NYPD! Everyone down! Ma'am, if you could just get down, or ignore me and continue shopping. Boyle, get the door!
CHARLES: On it!
JAKE: Ratko! Oh! Ow! Ha ha ha! Ow, Ratko, ow! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Ratko! I'm getting mad!
CHARLES: That's a waste of manchego! Charles!
JAKE: How are you still here?
CHARLES: Jake! Little help! Ratko! He's not going anywhere, Jake!
JAKE: Ratko!
CHARLES: I got him! I got him! Don't worry!
JAKE: So no, I did not brief you. And yes, he did get away. But some bonus good news I got you hazelnut. And A little spoon there for you.
[Records room]
JAKE: Is he seriously assigning me to the records room? I mean, why do we even have a records room? Computer's been invented, right? I didn't dream it?
TERRY: You're lucky, man. I wish I could get assigned here full-time. You could not be farther from the action.
JAKE: Sergeant, you know me. I have more arrests than anyone. Will you please tell the Captain how dumb it is to lock his best Detective in a file cabinet?
AMY: Second best.
TERRY: You're wrong about Holt. That man has forgotten more about being a cop than you will ever know. In 1981, he caught the disco strangler.
[flashback]
HOLT: It's over, disco man! Put down the yo-yo and back away from the girl
[end of flashback]
JAKE: Wow.
TERRY: The man is the real deal. You need to listen to him.
AMY: Gonna be hard to win our bet when you're on the bench, Peralta. Although I did start a new category. "Murderers we let go." And look at that. You're winning. Have fun with your files.
JAKE: Yeah, you know what, I will have fun with my files. Have fun with your face! Slam! That was a slam.
ROSA: So what movie did you get us tickets to?
CHARLES: Oh, well, just to be safe, I bought tickets to all of them.
ROSA: Just to be safe? What does that mean?
CHARLES: I don't know, I didn't wanna mess up. Because you're sort of Opinionated.
ROSA: You think I'm opinionated? Okay, here's an opinion for you. You're a bad judge of character and your shirt looks like vomit.
CHARLES: So we can go see North by Northwest.
ROSA: We're not seeing a movie together.
CHARLES: Good call. Smart. Keep it profesh.
JAKE: Hey, Captain.
HOLT: So you found something? Hey, I like the tie.
JAKE: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Anyway, I think I got something good here. Turns out the name "Ratko" is made up. But I was digging through these files One of which I literally found in a spider web And it turns out there were a bunch of references to a serbian thug, street names "the rat" and "the butcher," who's known to hang out at a storage unit near Boerum Park, which has red soil, hence, the muddy red footprint on Morgenthau's counter.
HOLT: That's fine work, Detective.
JAKE: Thank you very much, sir. Testament to what can be achieved when you dress appropriately. Let's pound it out.
HOLT: You know what, such fine police work, let's share it with the whole team. Santiago! Boyle! Diaz! Get in here! Bring everyone! And a camera!
JAKE: That's not necessary. Oh, they're here!
HOLT: Of the fine master Detective, Jake Peralta.
HOLT: Yeah, let's have a hand, everyone. Give him a hand.
TEAM: Yeah, nice! Looking good! Yeah.
JAKE: Thank you.
AMY: No record of Ratko on the ledger. Must've used cash.
JAKE: Well, I, for one, am just pumped to be on a stakeout with you, Captain. You know what my favorite thing about stakeouts is? Patrol guide says "no dress code." So I'm just the zip-up hoodie and my two best friends.
HOLT:Does he always talk this much?
AMY: I just tune it out. It's like a white noise machine.
JAKE: Okay, first of all, that's racist. Secondly, Captain, Terry told me you caught the disco strangler. That's incredible. I've read that case. With all due respect, sir, why'd it take you so long to get your first command?
HOLT: Because I'm gay.
JAKE: Ah.
HOLT: Seriously? I'm surprised you didn't know. I don't try to hide it.
[Flashbacks]
GINA: Did anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe?
HOLT: Manscaping.
[Back to scene]
JAKE: Damn! I am not a good Detective.
ROSA: Here. I feel bad that you spent all that money on the movie tickets.
CHARLES: Why don't you just go to the movies with me?
ROSA: Nope.
CHARLES: Okay. Well, this is awkward.
ROSA: It's not awkward. I like your company. You're sweet.
AMY: When did you come out?
HOLT: About 25 years ago. The NYPD was not ready for an openly gay Detective. But then the old guard died out. Suddenly, they couldn't wait to show off the fact that they had a highly ranking gay officer. I made Captain. But they put me in a public affairs unit. I was a good soldier. I helped recruitment. But all I ever really wanted was my own command. And now I finally got it. And I'm not gonna screw it up.
JAKE: Captain, I'm sorry. I I feel like a jackass. But on the flip side, there's Ratko. Humility over. I'm amazing! Fantastic. 3,000 identical blue doors
HOLT: Looks like we all got door duty.
JAKE: Ah, yeah. From before. Good one. You look great.
HOLT: Clear. Clear.
AMY: Okay. Unbelievable! Un-believable! Ah.
JAKE: Ratko, great to see you.
RATKO: You can't stop me. I'm going.
JAKE: Actually, you're not going anywhere. 'Cause if you take a look to your left, you'll see Detective's Boyle and Diaz. Right there is Detective Santiago. And behind you is Captain Holt. Point is My team has you surrounded. Oh, my God, I just got the tie thing! Captain, I just figured it out.
HOLT: Maybe now's not the best time, Detective.
JAKE: It's a uniform! We're a team, and the tie is a part of that team's uniform, right?
RATKO: You ask Ratko what team?
JAKE:No, Ratko, shut up. It's important to you because you were kept off the team for so long. And now you're the coach, and you want us to all wear that same uniform. Boom! Nailed it!
HOLT: Yes, you did. Now just arrest Ratko. All right, Ratko, down. Drop the weapon. Hands on your head. Here we go. Hey!
ROSA: Hands behind your back! Hands behind your back!
CHARLES: Stay down.
JAKE: That's how we do it in the nine-nine, sir. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.
HOLT: What's wrong with you?
JAKE: Never took off the speedo. Big mistake. It is inside me. Great work, team!
Pilot is the first episode of Season One in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine television series. It originally aired on September 17, 2013 to 6.17 million viewers. Viewers give it 7.7 out of 10 on IMDb.
Episode Synopsis[]
Detective Jake Peralta is a talented, but carefree police detective at Brooklyn's 99th Precinct who, along with his eclectic group of colleagues, are used to having a |lax captain around the office. However, when tightly-wound Raymond Holt takes over, he is determined to make this dysfunctional group of detectives into the best precinct in Brooklyn.
The pilot episode opens in an electronics store where young, brash Detective Jake Peralta and his controlled partner Amy Santiago are investigating a robbery. Amy is questioning the manager, while Jake plays with the store’s remaining merchandise.
Amy begins to apologize for Jake's immaturity, to which he replies that he has already solved the case, having discovered footage of the robbery in a nanny cam teddy bear. With this information they are able to arrest the three men responsible for the crime.
Back at the 99th Precinct, the two detectives are joined in a briefing room by a group of their peers. Jake playfully brags about having been the one to solve the case and it is revealed that he and Amy are participating in a competition to see which of them can make more arrests this year.
Jake leads the room in a briefing of the recent murder of a luxury food importer named Henry Morgenthau. Morgenthau was discovered in his apartment by his cleaning lady - a topic that derails the serious discussion due to the fact that she appears to have either flan, butterscotch pudding or “old person gunk” on her chin in the crime scene photos.
As the discussion gets back on course, it is revealed that the precinct has been appointed a new Captain who will be arriving soon.
Out in the precinct’s bullpen, Detective Charles Boyle approaches the office’s secretary, Gina Linetti. He wants help acquiring tickets to a sold-out Rihanna concert, so he can ask out Detective Rosa Diaz. Gina bluntly informs the divorced detective that he isn’t exactly Rosa’s type, but also suggests getting tickets to a theater that shows old films instead, as that’s one of Rosa’s interests.
Amy approches Jake's desk to inquire if he’s heard anything about their new captain. He shows disinterest in the topic because he liked that their previous captain, McGintley, would let him get away with anything, such as, fire extinguisher roller chair derby. Amy, on the other hand, would prefer someone who could mentor her in her goal to become a captain herself.
As Jake argues that a strict captain would resemble a robot (and says so in a robotic voice), Raymond Holt appears behind him having heard every word. He then forces Jake to repeat himself in the robotic voice, much to Jake’s embarrassment and Amy’s delight. Captain Holt then orders Jake to add neckties to his wardrobe and introduces himself to the detectives.
Captain Holt calls Sergeant Terry Jeffords into his office as Amy remarks to Jake how much she loves the new captain. Gina describes him as suave and also notes that she picked up a bit of a gay vibe.
In Captain Holt’s office, it is revealed that he and Terry worked together previously in the 1-8. Terry is said to have been significantly overweight during that time. As their discussion continues it is learned that Terry is on administrative leave because of an incident a year prior, where (frightened of being injured and abandoning his wife and newborn twin girls) he panicked and shot at a department store mannequin.
The conversation shifts to the detectives in the precinct. Detectives Scully, Hitchcock and Daniels are described as being worthless. Rosa is said to be tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary. Charles is described as not being physically gifted, but a hard worker. Amy is said to always want to prove that she’s tough because she have seven brothers. It is noted that both Amy and Jake’s numbers have gone up since they initiated their bet. Finally, Jake is described as being the precincts best detective, but extremely immature.
Ending their conversation, Captain Holt mentions he wants to make this precinct the best one in Brooklyn and that they should start with improving Jake’s flaws.
At murder victim Henry Morgenthau’s apartment, Charles, Rosa, Jake and Amy assess the scene. Jake jokingly starts handing out neckties to his team for pointing out details in the room. He still has yet to wear one himself. Amy asks Jake to stop mocking the captain while Jake brushes off the comments and flirts with her.
Rosa notes that items missing from the apartment include a computer, a watch and a Jamon Iberico ham valued at $6,000. As Jake mentions they should contact the captain, Captain Holt appears and inquires the the whereabouts of Jake’s tie, then assigning him and Santiago to knock on neighbors doors, looking for witnesses.
Rosa and Charles are sent to check in with the coroner. On their way there, Charles asks Rosa if she’d like to join him at an old movie festival. She agrees, but when he suggests watching Citizen Kane, she shows dislike for the film and suggests he finds something better for them to watch.
Back at the 99th precinct, Captain Holt questions Gina about the conditions of Jake and Amy’s bet. She reveals that if Amy wins, Jake has to give her his very old mustang car, but if Jake gets more arrests then she has to go on a date with him.
On door duty, Jake and Amy meet a variety of eccentric characters, but ultimately find no more information on the case. Charles and Rosa get no clues from the coroner either. Captain Holt suggest they canvass the neighborhood, and again tells Jake to get a necktie.
Jake asks Charles, who appears to be a food expert, about the ham stolen from the victims apartment and they agree to check out a local meat market, Beneficio’s. There, they encounter an argumentative butcher named Ratko who flees the area once Jake accuses him of murdering Morgenthau for the expensive ham. Jake and Charles return to the precinct to inform Captain Holt that they advanced the perp without the officer's permission and let criminal get away.
As punishment, Jake is assigned to the records room. While there, Terry defends the captains decision, claiming him to be a great officer who captured The Disco Strangler back in 1981. Amy taunts Jake about their bet, now that he is no longer allowed to make any arrests.
In the bullpen, Rosa approaches Charles to ask him about the film they will be seeing. He claims to have bought tickets for several different films, insinuating that she would be difficult to please if he was left to make the decision himself. This angers Rosa and she cancels the plans altogether.
In the records room, Jake sits at a desk hard at work, and finally has on a necktie as Captain Holt requested. Holt enters and Jake explains that while looking through the files, he found out that Ratko likes to hang out at a storage unit and suggests they go looking for him there.
As Captain Holt compliments him on his work, Jake attributes it to his proper attire and stands to reveal that he is only wearing swim briefs below his waist. Instead of reprimanding Jake, Holt calls the rest of the detectives into the records room to laugh at Jake’s state of dress.
Later at the storage unit, Amy, Jake and Captain Holt sit in a car to stake out the area. The conversation shifts to Holts achievements and Jake wonders why it took Holt so long to become a captain. He replies that it’s because he is homosexual and remarks that he is surprised Jake didn’t figure that out already. Jake belittles his own detective skills.
At the same site, Rosa and Charles sit in a different vehicle. Rosa offers Charles money to pay him back for all the movie tickets he had to purchase. She refuses to watch a film with him, but admits she enjoys his company.
Back in the other car, Jake apologizes to Captain Holt for the way he acted, once he learned how much hard work and discrimination Holt had to go through to get his new position. Amy smiles on smugly, but soon Jake spots their target and all three hop out of the car, gear up, and make their way into the storage building.
Faced with several hallways of identical doors, Captain Holt shows his sense of humor by calling back to Jake and Amy’s earlier door duty. Jake compliments the joke and then compliments Amy’s appearance before they all take off looking for Ratko.
Amy and Captain Holt are held up by a maintenance worker mopping, but Jake in a different hallway stumbles upon a storage shed that appears to be unlocked. Inside is Ratko, armed and ready for him. With his gun pointed at Jake, he tries to escape the premisses, but backs into an area where he is surrounded by the rest of Jake’s team. At this moment Jake has an epiphany. He understands why Holt wanted him to wear the tie. It is their team’s uniform.
As Jake tries to arrest Ratko, the perp takes off running down a hallway blocked by Amy. She removes her baton from her belt and strikes him in the knees. This causes him to collapse in pain while Charles and Rosa move in with handcuffs.
Jake congratulates his team, but squirms uncomfortably as he reveals to the captain that he is still wearing the Speedo underneath his clothes.
Movies
- In the opening scene, Jake is quoting a monologue from the 1997 crime film, Donnie Brasco
- Charles mentions North by Northwest as one of the films they can see.
- Rosa asks Boyle to pick a better movie for them to watch together than Citizen Kane, a film considered by many critics to be one of the best films ever made.
- Ratko's name is a reference to Ratko: The Dictator's Son, a National Lampoon film.
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine Co-Creators Michael Schur & Dan Goor met while attending Harvard. Mike was the president of The Harvard Lampoon while Dan Goor was a member
Music
- Boyle asks Gina for help finding tickets to a sold out concert put on by R&B artist, Rihanna
- The Disco Strangler is a reference to the song The Disco Strangler by the Eagles
Television
- Terry’s twin girls are named Cagney and Lacey. Cagney and Lacey is the title of a 1980s police procedural television series. The two main characters were female cops named Christine Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey.
New York City
- The name of the victim, Henry Morgenthau, is a reference to the prominent New York Morgantheau family
Slang
- Holt mentions that Jake is overdoing it on the “manscaping,” a slang term combining ‘man’ and ‘landscaping,’ used to describe the grooming of male body hair.
- Jake Peralta
- Jake Peralta
- Fuzzy Cuddle Bear
- Amy Santiago
- Fuzzy Cuddle Bear
- Gina Linetti
- Charles Boyle
- [Hears a noise and bursts out of cover, screaming hysterically and violently emptying his gun into a shop-window dummy]
- Terry Jeffords
- Jake Peralta
- Terry Jeffords
Cast[]
| Actor | Character | |
|---|---|---|
| Andy Samberg | ... | Detective Jake Peralta |
| Stephanie Beatriz | ... | Detective Rosa Diaz |
| Terry Crews | ... | Sergeant Terry Jeffords |
| Melissa Fumero | ... | Detective Amy Santiago |
| Joe Lo Truglio | ... | Detective Charles Boyle |
| Chelsea Peretti | ... | Gina Linetti |
| Andre Braugher | ... | Captain Raymond Holt |
| Dirk Blocker | ... | Detective Michael Hitchcock |
| Joel McKinnon Miller | ... | Detective Norm Scully |
| Fred Armisen | ... | Mlepnos |
| Uncredited | ... | Detective Daniels |
| Mike Hagerty | ... | Captain McGintley |
| Anthony Azizi | ... | Ahmed |
| Gracer | ... | Ratko |
| Rob Kerkovich | ... | Bunder |
| Joe Jefferson | ... | Old Man |
| Euguen Leon | ... | Robber |
| Kevin McDonald | ... | Disco Strangler (uncredited) |
| None | ... | Henry Morgenthau |
Cool Cool Cool Things[]
99th Precinct
Morgenthau's Apartment
Beneficio's Gourmet Market
Brooklyn Self-Storage
Trivia[]
- Terry and Holt worked together at the 18th precinct
- They called Terry Terry Titties because he was overweight and had titties
- Terry's on administrative leave
- Scully, Hitchcock and Daniels are worthless but make good coffee
- Rosa Diaz is tough, smart, hard to read and really scary
- Charles Boyle is not the most brilliant Detective but he works harder than anyone else
- Amy Santiago has 7 brothers so she's always trying to prove she's tough
- Jacob Peralta is Terry's best detective. He likes putting bad guys away and solving puzzles
- Terry talks about Jake a lot at his departmentally mandated therapy
- Charles has an ex-wife
- Charles was constipated for 3 days after eating jamon iberico ham at his uncle's funeral
- Gina is a civilian administrator
- Mlepnos spells his name M-L-E-P-clay, the clay is silent
- Jake calls himself Detective Right All the Time and Amy Detective Terrible Detective
- Holt was made captain but put in the Pubic Affairs unit
- The score for the Peralta-Santiago bet as of this episode is Peralta:24, Santiago:22
- Cagney and Lacey are one year old as of this episode
- Detective Daniels does not appear nor is she mentioned after this episode
- Holt came out about 25 years ago, which would be around 1988
Running Gags Mentioned[]
Featured Relationships[]
Connections To Other Episodes[]
- Terry says that Holt caught the Disco Strangler in 1981. The Strangler, Ernest Zumowski, appears again in Season 6
- Terry's nickname of Terry Titties becomes Terry Kitties in Season 3
- According to Gina, Jake guaranteed that, should he win the bet, his date with Amy would end in sex, while Gina thought there would be at least some over-the-clothes action and that he'd be wearing a silk robe
- Charles' uncle's funeral comes up again when he tells Hitchcock he doesn't have any money because he rear ended the hearst in The Jimmy Jab Games
- The squad goes to the funeral of Captain McGintley in the Season 5 episode 99
- Holt's time in the public affairs unit wasn't over when he got to the 99. In the episode The Chopper, his arch nemesis Madeline Wuntch promotes him from Captain of the 99th Precinct to the Public Affairs Unit.
Videos[]
Images[]
Goofs[]
- Jake says "10 of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco", however, there are at least 12 screens on which his face is visible.
- Amy and Rosa are wearing the same badge number in this episode.
- In a flashback scene, Rosa is seen asking Hitchcock who has her for Secret Santa, obviously implying that she is playing. In a later episode, however, Rosa says that she hates playing Secret Santa.
- Captain Holt introduces himself as “Captain Ray Holt” instead of “Captain Raymond Holt." the plaque on his desk also reading “Ray” instead of “Raymond”. However, this character will be known as “Captain Raymond Holt” for the remainder of the series.
Behind The Scenes[]
- Rosa Diaz’s voice is significantly higher and closer to actress Stephanie Beatriz’s natural voice in the Pilot episode compared to the rest of the series. Her voice will gradually get deeper and lower throughout the first season.
- Due to the show having not been picked up as a series at the time of filming, this is the only episode that does not feature the normal intro. What would become the show's intro music plays in the final scenes.
- The interior design of the 99th precinct, its bullpen and adjoining rooms are inconsistent with the rest of the series. This is because the pilot episode in television has a limited budget and the possibility of being only one episode.
- The permanent precinct set was constructed after the pilot was picked up to go to series.
| Film Location | Details | Scenes |
|---|---|---|
| NYPD 78th Precinct | Building exterior | Establishing shots meant to represent the 99th Precinct |
| The Herald Examiner Building[1][2][3] | Police Station Set | Scenes that take place inside the 99th Precinct |
| Apartment | Morganthau's apartment/Crime Scene | |
| Hallways | Door Duty scenes | |
| Monte Carlo Italian Deli | Store | Ratko questioning and fight at Beneficio's Gourmet Market |
| 622 East Aliso Street, Los Angeles | Street | Scenes outside of Brooklyn Self-Storage |
References[]
- ↑ Heraldexaminerbuilding.com, History, "1989-The Herald Examiner Building is converted into one of the preeminent filming locations in the greater Los Angeles area. The Building is use for such films as Zoolander and The Usual Suspects while also hosting television shows such as It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. (Archived)
- ↑ Herald Examiner Filming, 04/24/2014 Facebook Post, "The Herald Examiner is home to the original police station set for Brooklyn 99." (Archived)
- ↑ The Hollywood Reporter, 06/30/2014, Gregg Kilday, How a Shuttered L.A. Newspaper Found New Life on TV (and Escaped the Wrecking Ball) (Archived)