| “ | "I'm not just poor, son. I'm destitute" | ” |
―Michael Hitchcock | ||
Detective Michael Hitchcock (portrayed by Dirk Blocker) was a recurring character (credited as "guest starring") in season 1 of the show, becoming a regular (credited as "starring") in season 2, and eventually a main character (appearing in the opening credits) starting in season 6. He is a detective at the 99th Precinct, having worked there for more than 30 years and has been partnered with his best friend Norm Scully for almost all of his career. He faked retiring to Brazil in the final season (actually living in a beaver trap), coming back to "win" the final heist, and in the last scene of the series, he is seen in the briefing room, still on the force. He is crass and sexual, often taking his shirt off at inopportune moments and making innappropriate jokes. Despite not being particularly liked by any other member of the detective squad besides Scully, he can frequently be found at important moments for the whole squad.
Biography
In 1988, Hitchcock slept with Scully's ex-wife, Kelly.[1]
Hitchcock's first year of service with the NYPD is unspecified, but we know that in 1986 he and Scully were working in Organized Crime. He is implied to have once been a much better, harder-working detective than he is in the present day. For one thing, he survived service with the NYPD in the 1980s, a time when "New York City was basically The Purge," according to Terry. By the time of the show, however, he is an aging, lazy detective who by his own admission does "nothing all day."
At Captain Holt's party, they were confused for being romantic partners who work together.
The degree of Scully and Hitchcock's laziness is indicated in The Apartment, where it's revealed that in a year, they had made fourteen arrests between them. Captain Holt wasn't happy with that number, but Terry points out that it's 'six more than last year'. In comparison, Jake alone made seventy-eight arrests in the same 12-month period.
Hitchcock has more arrests on record than anyone else in the 99th Precinct, even though he has made virtually no arrests for years. Hitchcock didn't even know of his arrest record until Terry told him, upon which Hitchcock got a tattoo of himself with a pistol in his mouth.
Season 6
In Hitchcock & Scully, it was revealed that when Hitchcock and Scully were working Organized Crime in 1986 they took down a mafia boss, Gio Costa, for running cocaine. With the help of their CI, they took down Costa and recovered a ton of coke along with duffel bags of cash. Captain Holt assigned Jake and Charles to look into the facts about what actually happened back them, since it was believed that Internal Affairs (IA) might be investigating the case. Due to some new findings were discovered about the bust of this case, both Hitchcock and Scully were given a year of desk duty.
In The Good Ones, it was revealed that Hitchcock has retired from the force during the pandemic and travelled to Brazil. He then contacted the 99th Precinct and kept a close relationship with his former co-workers through the use of video calls.
In The Last Day Pt 2, contrary to episode The Good Ones it is revealed that he never retired or went to Brazil, and just randomly bought the tube for $40 from Bill, crowning him as the "The Grand Champion of the Nine-Nine".
Personality
In stark contrast to his more upstanding coworkers (and even Scully), Hitchcock is a depraved and hedonistic man who has little concern for the comfort of those around him. He is shockingly lewd, having openly watched porn in public and dating girls young enough to be his daughter; he evens admits that Rosa is smart not to let him ask about her bisexuality as it "was not tasteful". He also openly cheats on his (now ex) wife and cheered at the news of her death, as it meant his alimony payments would end. He is known to create dating profiles with vastly incorrect information.
Hitchcock has been shown to own a creepy van in which he sleeps, and contains many sketchy items. He is an incredibly fast driver, and says he drives like he has nothing to live for.
Relationships
Norm Scully
Hitchcock and Scully have been best friends and partners at the NYPD for over 30 years.
In the Pilot, regarding him and Scully, Terry tells Holt that, "They're pretty much worthless, but they make good coffee."
Bethany
Bethany is Hitchock's most recent ex-wife. She had an affair with her hairdresser and made a sex tape, which Hitchcock threatened to release. She then said she didn't care and released it on the internet herself. When it started to make money, Hitchcock sued her for half the profits. Hitchcock maintains that the divorce was "out of the blue." (Trying)
Anna Rubov
At his divorce party from Bethany, Hitchcock meets a woman and approaches her. The next day he comes to the precinct he is in love and that he just spent the night with the woman of his dreams and calls her his soulmate. He says she is funny, beautiful and has almost no scars. They also walked along the river for hours just talking and laughing and at some point throughout the night, they were eating pizza and her tooth fell out of her mouth and Hitchcock kept it. She wrote her number on a napkin which Hitchcock later used and ruined, and was no longer was able to read the number. At the recommendation of Scully, Hitchock decides to "Cinderella" every woman in Brooklyn with the tooth.
6 months later, after failing to find a perfect fit for the tooth, Hitchcock decides to give up while at Shaws, when she approaches him and they reconnect. At some point they have sex in a public park next to a skunk. They walk into the precinct the morning after and reveal that she is pregnant. Later in the episode they get married (with a cover charge at the wedding) and Hitchcock reveals that they are going to Honeymoon in Barbados during Dengue Fever season so they have the island to themselves.
At their wedding, it is revealed that Boris, Anna's brother-in-law, is the real father of the baby. By the end of the episode they are getting a divorce.[2]
Trivia
- According to Jake, Hitchcock went bald at 15.[3]
- Yet, when we see Young Hitchcock in 1986, he still has a lush set of hair.[4]
- Hitchcock has a tattoo of himself with a gun in his mouth, on his right bicep.
- Hitchcock was also shot in the line of duty alongside Scully but was also protected by the wing sluts sauce in "Hitchcock & Scully"
- Hitchcock is lactose intolerant.[5]
- He said all his dreams start with his stepsister painting her house, and the dreams end with sex.[6]
- Hitchcock likes to eat at Wing Slutz, especially the Marin Park location where he can get an extra drumstick in his Slutz bucket.[7]
- Hitchcock pays for a monthly parking spot for his van, the "Beaver Trap". He says he sleeps in it during his divorces.[8]
- Alongside with Scully, Hitchcock has an impressive tracking skill that involves everything about food.
- Hitchcock's ex-wife, Madison, was just getting into college when he was married to her.
- Hitchcock is a victim of the Nutriboom scheme.
- Hitchcock has a tendency to fall off of things due to a worm living in his ear.
- Like Scully, Hitchcock is inhumanly fast when enticed by food or rest, despite being notoriously unfit.
- He can often be seen with a comb in his shirt pocket, despite being almost completely bald.
- He revealed his father died of unknown causes. [9]
- Hitchcock is desperate to be seen as cool in everyone's eyes.[10]
- He blackmails Charles to find a way to make him be a part of a conversation where Jake uses his name and nobody insults him.
- Hitchcock makes Jake the godfather of his baby before he finds out the baby isn't actually his.
- Jake dubs "The Hitchcock Way" as "in every situation making the worst possible decision.
- Hitchcock buys Scully the bear claws he likes when they are on a stakeout or just in the office or at home.
- He has spots on his brain that Amy says make him forget about the past.
- He has been banned from museums for kissing statues.
Quotes
Hitchcock: Get woke, Scully!
Terry: What are you *doin* all day?
Hitchcock: Nothin'. Why, do you wanna hang out?
Hitchcock: You wanna go, you gotta go.
Hitchcock: I don't have any retirement. I don't have any security or a car. I rent most of my clothes.
Jake: We get it, you're poor.
Hitchcock: I'm not just poor, son. I'm destitute. *wink*
Jake: Definitely not a wink-able line. [11]
Hitchcock: There's nothing sketchy about the "Beaver Trap". [12]
Hitchcock: Scully, it's time to 'sauce' up![13]
Behind the Scenes
- He and Scully are named after writer/producers Norm Hiscock and Mike Scully.
